10 Absurd Trademark Claims

By: User
March 4, 2018

The United States Patents and Trademark Office defines a trademark as “any word, name, symbol, device, or any combination, used or intended to be used to identify and distinguish the goods/services of one seller or provider from those of others, and to indicate the source of the goods/services.” Perhaps the vagueness of the language is to blame, or because the American legal system was birthed in a Monty Python sketch, but it seems anything can be trademarked and/or be open to a lawsuit. And people have demonstrated great aplomb in the utterly absurd lengths they will go to make a buck. Here are ten trademarks in particular which raise the question, “what planet is this?”

Apple is best known for its only slightly non-redundant product releases. It is also known for kindergarten-friendly interfaces, so much so that the company maintains intellectual property rights on the basic shapes we learned during our time there. Their right to ownership is defined as “[T]he design of a portable and handheld digital electronic media device comprised of a rectangular casing displaying circular and rectangular shapes therein arranged in an aesthetically pleasing manner.”

As it turns out, Apple also owns a patent on the concept of a ‘round-edge rectangle,’ in connection with the iPad. Anyone who has ever furnished a credit card in order to purchase an Apple product, or has ever owned an Etch-a-Sketch, or eaten off of a lunch tray may wonder why Apple believes it was the first to conceive the shape.

9
The Color Orange

Reese’s

Ever had a huge craving for some orange? Not the fruit, the color. If so, the only person authorized to sell it to you—one particular shade that is—is Reese’s. And fans of their much-coveted peanut butter cups well attest, their orange tastes the best.

As it turns out, Reese’s has challenged Dove’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Promises, on the grounds of its use of orange and packaging being too similar. Upon actual comparison—and without the suspected underlying motive of trying to shut down a rival’s product (which uses way better chocolate)—there is clearly no confusion about which is which. And whose ‘orange’ is whose.

8
“Let’s Get Ready…”

Michael Buffe

Michael Buffer doesn’t need to work anymore. Even while fighting throat cancer (which Buffer victoriously overcame), the sports announcer who coined the boxing ring staple “Let’s get ready to rumble,” was reaping the benefits of its utterance. Buffer, who had the phrase trademarked, earns obscene royalties (about $400 million in total) for its casual use in T.V. shows, movies, video games, merchandise, etc.

The fact that Buffer has become the immediately-recognizable voice of boxing, and that those five words have become so necessarily-intertwined with the sport itself, means that Buffer will continue finding gainful employment as a sports announcer, even with his mouth closed.

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